Monday, March 1, 2010

Memorable Personal Quotes from Yours Truly

I'd like to think I'm a modern day Ben Franklin. Actually, that's not true. I'm just a chud that feels as if writing should be occurring but has writer's block. In fact, this intro is taking more than 5 minutes to write. I'm sure I'll think of something soon. For now, enjoy my good/bad/ugly original one-liners.


-The chaplain wanted to know what the hell I was doing in there and I told him. Even if he had had a problem, I had a gun on and all he had was a bible. I think I'd have won that fight.

-It's rough going through life without a compass, but sooner or later we all find our way.

-I'm going to be a nudist eventually so I can scare people and save money.

-The only sure thing in life is that there is no sure thing.

-The future isn't what it used to be..."

-'Twatever', said the penis to the vagina.

-I don't care if it turns into Cruel Intentions 3 in this motherfucker.

-I know what it's like to live. That's the bottom line. I'm living right now. One mistake at a time.

-On a not so bright note: Don't drink Absinthe by the bottle. Bad things happen and your friends are like, "What the fuck, dude?!?!"

-Fucking broads who'be been raped too many times by daddy and can't stay away from McDonalds were everywhere.

-You have to give a little to take a little and you have to be able to cope with other people not thinking like you. That or you can just go buy a gun and off the non-believers.

-I'm a one fork man and definitely not someone who should plan a wedding.

-Life sucks when you turn the subtitles on.

-A thousand times more money is spent by our government every year for the purpose of extinguishing life instead of preserving it.

-Somewhere along the way you were all blinded, robbed of your intelligence, and fed way too much fried chicken.

-Note to future death or black metal hopefuls out there: Pre-recorded synth is gay, it sucks, and gets you nowhere. It does not enhance your sound and in no way is it cool or 'hardcore'.

-Life is like scratching your ass and picking your nose with the same hand. Bad decisions stink long after they've been made.

-When life throws a curve ball, charge the mound and kick that motherfucker square in the nuts.

-93.3 the Bone is gone. The station went from classic rock to the likes of the Gin Blossoms. Anyone who scats over guitar should be killed.

-Asking the Right Wing to show us how to be fiscally responsible is like going to Stephen Hawking for jogging tips.

-Who knew that the word "scat" would go from being a jazz term to a porn genre that is dedicated to eating feces?

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