Thursday, August 19, 2010

Just Because

I'm stuck here at work with absolutely nothing to do. The Marines are all gone and the only reason I'm here is because there are civilian contractors building some new shelf unit in the back of the warehouse. I have an ungodly (fitting, seeing as how I'm an atheist) amount of gas and I'm exhausted. All I want right now is some gin and juice and a motherfrackin' mustard dog. Then I can rest. "Rest for what?" you might be thinking... For KICKBALL of course. Friday morning kickball. Go Navy!

Since I've already started writing, I might as well drop some lines about a few things that have crossed my mind over the last few days:

1) I've decided that the only truly "Official" Brett Favre retirement is going to come in the form of him dying on the field. For whatever reason, Mr. Favruh just doesn't seem to know when to quit. Looking back, I suppose that maybe only John Elway got it right. Retiring after back to back championships was epic and has immortalized him as one of, if not THE best QBs the game has ever seen (even if that's not entirely the case). So, Mr. Favruh, fuck you. That is all.

2) I've come to the conclusion that my not being a civilian is tremendously beneficial to certain individuals. There are certain things that would have pushed me over my boiling point long ago that I haven't been able to do anything about, simply because retaliation on my part would have adverse effects on my career. So count your blessings, you sad sorry motherfuckers. Your legs would have been broken and your teeth would have been knocked out if it weren't for my swelling pride, integrity, loyalty, and sense of duty regarding this oh so glorious nation.

3) We're out of Iraq. "Combat Operations are over." Whoopity fucking do. There will still be endless occupation and our troops will continue to die over there. The numbers will be smaller, but lives will still be lost. We have the Dubya and Vice President Dick to thank for that. I won't be satisfied until every last one of our men and women are out of that shithole. EVERYONE.

4) TAKE YOUR JESUS SHIT OFF OF YOUR DESK. If I can't hang up a witty de-motivational poster about how much of a FAILURE religion is, or even just a simple pro-atheism poster here in the workplace, I don't want to see your superstitious bullshit draped all over your computer tower. Anything that promotes god(s) is just as irritating and offensive to me as my stuff is to you. But unlike you, I have the common courtesy to not hang up signs that say "God isn't real" all over my cubicle.

5) I love Hamburger Helper. I really think that it might be the best stuff on Earth. The trick is to ignore the amount of water that you're supposed to use and just use all milk. You need to stir the milk and the sauce mix in a separate bowl prior to adding it to the skillet. Undercook the burger when you're "browning" the beef - don't worry, it'll cook all the way through when you boil the pasta. Then, when you're all done and you take it off the stove, dump about a cup and a half of shredded cheese (Mexican is the preferred nomenclature) on top of it. This makes it more delicious no matter what the flavor is.

And that's really all I've got for now. Actually it's not, but I have to empty my bladder and I think these retards might be leaving for the day. Adios, comrades.


  1. Dang, you covered a lot of stuff. From Farvre to recipes. You are truly a renaissance man.

  2. Hahaha. You give me far too much credit. I'm home now, so mustard dogs here I come!