Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Lame Ducks, War Criminals, and TSA Perverts

Gee Wilikers, Batman! It's been like six weeks. I figure insomnia is as good a reason as any to update this poor, neglected blog.

I'm swimming through this sea of retardation that has turned this country into a caricature of what it used to be. For those of you who subscribe to my YouTube channel, you know this already. I'm just spent right now. It's not even fun to crack jokes about stuff anymore. I'm. Just. Drained. And I should be, really. What good has come out of Washington this year? Yep, that's exactly what I was thinking - nothing.

So news... news. Congress was overtaken by illiterate fundamentalists and even in the lame duck session taking place right now, they're sure to drop the ball on repealing Don't Ask Don't Tell. We have leaked classified documents from both of these illegal wars of aggression that offer concrete evidence that the entire Bush Administration was a fraud and responsible for war crimes and the deaths of at least a half a million people, yet we do nothing. And I suppose the minor, newly developing story is the TSA upping the ante on how to be fascist cocksuckers.

But back to Don't Ask Don't Tell. I'm still amazed at the apathetic stance towards equality from our legislators. This is the only issue I can remember that has had 70+% support from the American people, but they still won't repeal it. I don't get it. That's why we elect these asshats to begin with, isn't it? To serve the will of the people? I thought so. And from what I can see, the will of the people is pretty fucking apparent when it comes to this issue. I could spend all day pointing out the flaws in every argument sent our way from the Religious Right, but it wouldn't make any difference. Hell the only reason I'm even bringing it up again is because of the current Congressional situation.

The lame duck session can be a beautiful thing. It can also be an equally detrimental thing *cough* Clinton got impeached for a blowjob from a fat chick *cough*. It all depends on who the lame ducks are. This year's House is especially lame. Come on, people! These guys couldn't get anything passed when they had control of both houses and the White House and you really expect them to do any serious lame-ducking? Not a chance. And why should we expect anything from them? As Bill Maher's been screaming for the last few years, the Democrats are a bunch of pussies. Even with a golden opportunity handed to them, they'll still manage to fall short and not get anything done. The Republicans may be the "Party of NO!", but the Democrats are surely the Party of "Yes, We Wanted to, But Then We Chickened Out".

That's really the bottom line. It doesn't matter how batshit crazy the Republicans are, they get shit done. And that's what we like in this country - getting shit done! So what if they did a shitty job and no one agrees with what they're promoting, at least they're working. Right? That's certainly what it feels like to me. And they're GREAT liars. That's the key. Enter WikiLeaks and their "treasonous" acts of *gasp* informing the American people that our government sucks and has no regard for human life, be it foreign or domestic.

To cap off their leaked Afghanistan documents, WikiLeaks has hooked us up with thousands of classified documents from the clusterfuck we call Operation Iraqi Freedom. State sanctioned torture and murder of civilians and an Iraqi death count that's fast approaching 300,000 are just a couple of lovely tidbits that were leaked. Let me repeat that - THREE HUNDRED THOUSAND Iraqis are dead now. And for what? Weapons of Mass Destruction? No, they didn't have any of those. Osama Bin Laden? Nah, he wasn't in Iraq, nor was he connected to Hussein. To bring peace to that country? Nope. Iraq is more dangerous and unstable now than it was before we invaded them sans U.N. support.

These mistakes would almost be forgivable if the intelligence had been shitty and our government didn't know any better, but that's the best part! They did know better. They knew there wasn't anything to be found in Iraq. Bush, Dick, Rice, and Rummy (sounds kind of like a dirty slapstick improv group) all knew they were lying. Unlike previous administrations, there was zero evidence of them having plausible deniability. They were well aware of what they were doing and they just didn't give a fuck. So, just six decades after the Nuremberg Trials, we no longer consider war crimes a priority. And that my friends is a tragedy.

Now on to the last tragic news piece of the week/month/year (don't judge me for being flaky)...


The United States government isn't the only group of folks taking advantage of the fear that was inspired by the attacks on September 11th, 2001. Ever since that day, the TSA has also been capitalizing on America's brown trouser fiesta. The photo above is from 2002, and I have to say that airports were my worst enemy. Being the semi-ignorant 17 year old that I was, I didn't know I could object to the indignities I went through every time I went through airport security. I didn't know what the Fourth Amendment was, nor did I have any problem with them strip searching me due to racial profiling gone awry. I figured, as did most of the country, that whatever they needed to do to keep me "safe" was fine by me.

Here's my take on the whole thing:

I've worked security before. If you think the checks you go through at the airport are rough, try getting onboard an aircraft carrier in a foreign port with a duffel bag full of trinkets. We had x-ray machines, wands, and big motherfucking guns, but no full-body scans, and pat-downs were only used if we had probable cause. If that level of security is okay for the U.S. Navy, it should be okay for the TSA. There is nothing detectable with a full body scan that isn't detectable by the aforementioned, less-invasive methods.

" The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized."

That there is the Fourth Amendment to the Constitution.

From what I've read over the years, this little bit of our most sacred document is left up to interpretation, BUT in my opinion, what the TSA does is still in violation of it. They have no probable cause to search everyone in this manner, nor do they have it to search people at random after they've passed the metal detector and their bags have gone through the x-ray machine. Our only offense is that we'd like to get to where we're going faster than we can get there on a car or a train. Now I'm sure that somewhere in the gigantic obscenity that we call the Patriot Act, there's something that negates our right to not be molested and gawked at while traveling by plane, but I think it's time to stand up and call these folks out on their bullshit. Warrantless searches in this fashion are a violation of our privacy and an insult to us as a people.

The irony in all of this is that I will be flying to Virginia for Thanksgiving next week and I'm fairly sure I'm on the high risk flyer list. Why? Who the fuck knows. Maybe I wrote a blog that was contrary to what the societal norm is... Anyway, I won't be as crazy as the "Don't Touch My Junk or I'll Have You Arrested" clown, but I will not go through the full body scanner. I don't know how that's going to mix with me being one step below the terrorists on the Federal McCarthy Roster of the Terror-Inclined, but I smell a lawsuit if they don't let me on the plane. There's no reason to deny access to a law abiding, active duty military member. All that being said, I will consent to the pat down. I just ask that the man or woman doing the patting to be gentle, and remember to cup the balls.

Until next time, adios.

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